bible

This Life

Since I was diagnosed with cancer in September of 2023, people have asked me so many questions about my journey. Many want to know if I am angry, scared or depressed. Others ask why God would allow this to happen. There are also questions about chemotherapy and how I feel physically. These are just a few examples. Some of the questions are easy to answer and some are not. I believe some questions will only be answered when we are in heaven with Jesus. I am blessed to have so many people who care about me. I also think some people are very curious in knowing what it is like to face death and suffering.

A couple years ago I watched a movie called “Father Stu” with Mark Wahlberg. He plays a man with a troubled past but meets a devote Catholic woman. She persuades him to go to church with her. In the end, he gives his life to Christ and becomes a priest; however, during this process he is diagnosed with a life threatening disease. He questions God and is angry but God uses him as a light. I remember something Mark Wahlberg’s character said in the movie when he accepts his situation, and I actually wrote it in my journal, long before my diagnosis. The quote is “The experience of suffering is the fullest expression of God’s love. It is a chance to be closer to Christ.” I have found this to be true in my own life. Please understand there are days that are very tough and it is hard to see anything positive but I always know I have Christ walking beside me and giving me the strength to continue on this journey.

We do not know the plans God has for our lives or our future. Jeremiah 29:11-13 says “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Each morning we open our eyes to begin a new day, we know God has a plan for us. It is not always easy or problem-free but God is always with us.

For me, most days I have come to terms with my situation. My faith, family and friends are what I hold dear. I hope I am here for many years to come but I also know this is not my forever home.

Finding God In My Cancer Journey

From the beginning of my journey with cancer, I have experienced God’s presence in the good and bad days. My best friend calls these moments “God winks”. He lets us know He is present and is with us in each step we take. A text from a friend at just the right time or hearing a song with words that touch my heart and relate to exactly how I am feeling or what I am going through. I have read devotions as if God has me wrapped up in His arms and is whispering the words in my ear. I have experienced these things and so many others throughout my journey.

I recently experienced a miracle. My recent PET scan came back with an area of concern which indicated a possible recurrence. My doctors informed me I would need a MRI to determine exactly what was going on. I reached out to everyone I knew and asked for prayers. As I lay in the bore (enclosed MRI tube), I felt complete peace. I felt and envisioned prayers like rain drops falling all over me and covering me. When I received the results of the MRI, each line read “no evidence of recurrence”. I knew this was certainly a miracle. I think the miracle is also that so many people love and care for me, and prayed so fervently. I have known so much love in my life. Loving others and the blessings that come with that is such a gift from God.

God does not always answer our prayers for healing and it’s hard to understand why some people are healed and others are not. The cancer journey is one of fear and uncertainty. But what I have come to know about God is that He always does what is best for us to bring us closer to Him. His love for us is unfathomable. He walks with us through our suffering. So I will continue on this journey and will be grateful for all the God winks and the miracles I have experienced in my life. His presence and peace is with us every moment, we just need to look for it.

Words

In the modern English language we have about 170,000 words currently in use. The French use about 60,000 to 100,000 words. Modern Greek has around 600,000 to 700,000 words actively used today (wow!). Words are used as tools for communication and expression. There are spoken words, written words and non-verbal words (i.e., signs, posters, art). Words can do so many things; they can heal, harm or give hope.

As a cancer patient, I have heard words of hope, encouragement and love but I have also heard words of sadness, pain, frustration and fear. Words can change the outcome of someone’s day or put a smile on a stranger’s face. What verbally comes out of our mouth is so powerful and it also can show the condition of our heart.

I recently heard a daughter tell her mother “I love you Momma.’ My daughter has said those exact words to me throughout my life. These are words I treasure. We don’t know if what we say will be the last words someone will hear or if someone really needs to know they are worthy and loved. Before you speak, think about what your words might do to another human being or what your words say about you. This also applies to our actions. My parents always said “your actions speak louder than words” but I say clear communication often matters as much as action. Well chosen words can unite or motivate people in a profound way. While actions often validate words, the two are most effective when they work together. Be authentic and vulnerable, then the words we speak will be more meaningful and impactful, and sincere intentions/actions will naturally follow.